61 Jokes Funny
Jew Joke
Little Jacob is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being a stupid Jew. Their favorite joke is to offer Jacob his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Jacob always takes the nickel. One day, after Jacob takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, "Jacob, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Jacob grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
Bar Joke
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
Jewish Joke
A Jewish boy asks his father for twenty dollars. His father replied, "Ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I'd be happy to give you a dollar, here's a quarter."
CEO Joke
There was a new CEO at a company who decided to fire all of the slackers, and when he gets done with that, he finds a dude leaning on his desk. He thinks "What is he doing!?" So he walks up to the guy and says "What are you doing!?" The guy says "I'm waiting to get paid." The CEO says "OK, how much do you get paid in a week?" The guy says "About $300." The CEO gives the guy $1200, and says "Now go away and never come back!" The guy walks away. The CEO says "Will someone please tell me what I just did!?" An employee says "You just tipped the pizza man $1200."
Life Joke
The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage. Once I am married, divorce is not an option. My kids are going to have a mother and a father. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
School Joke
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!"
English Joke
A Texan was visiting Harvard University, and was lost. He stopped a student and asked, "Do you know where the library is at?" "I sure do," replied the student, "But, you know, you're not supposed to end sentences with prepositions." "What?" "Prepositions. You ended your sentence with an 'at', which you aren't supposed to do." "Oh, OK," said the Texan, "Do you know where the library is at, asshole?"
Preacher Joke
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
This is a post on jokes funny.
Little Jacob is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being a stupid Jew. Their favorite joke is to offer Jacob his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Jacob always takes the nickel. One day, after Jacob takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, "Jacob, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Jacob grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
Bar Joke
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
Jewish Joke
A Jewish boy asks his father for twenty dollars. His father replied, "Ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I'd be happy to give you a dollar, here's a quarter."
CEO Joke
There was a new CEO at a company who decided to fire all of the slackers, and when he gets done with that, he finds a dude leaning on his desk. He thinks "What is he doing!?" So he walks up to the guy and says "What are you doing!?" The guy says "I'm waiting to get paid." The CEO says "OK, how much do you get paid in a week?" The guy says "About $300." The CEO gives the guy $1200, and says "Now go away and never come back!" The guy walks away. The CEO says "Will someone please tell me what I just did!?" An employee says "You just tipped the pizza man $1200."
Life Joke
The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage. Once I am married, divorce is not an option. My kids are going to have a mother and a father. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
School Joke
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!"
English Joke
A Texan was visiting Harvard University, and was lost. He stopped a student and asked, "Do you know where the library is at?" "I sure do," replied the student, "But, you know, you're not supposed to end sentences with prepositions." "What?" "Prepositions. You ended your sentence with an 'at', which you aren't supposed to do." "Oh, OK," said the Texan, "Do you know where the library is at, asshole?"
Preacher Joke
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
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