63 SMS Jokes
Donkey Joke
Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said, 'I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.'
Doctor Joke
The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’ The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’ The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’
Mouse Joke
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.
Son Joke
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Two Friends Joke
Me- "What mouse walks on 2 feet?"
Friend- "I don't know"
Me- "Mickey Mouse, what duck walks on 2 feet?"
Friend- "Donald Duck?"
Me- "No, all ducks idiot"
Friend- "Get lost"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
“Honey, listen closely... beauty fades, but dumb is forever!"
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
Ever since I took geometry at school, my life has turned around 360 degrees.
Single cell organisms would beat him in an IQ test.
We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.
Dancing Joke
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied, 'In silence.
What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?
One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?
He liked to chop and change.
Ghetto Joke
I went to Wal-Mart today and asked customer service for ghetto. She was confused so I told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks people with his golf club. She came put later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.
Student Joke
Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Student : "Because George still had the axe in his hand!"
Priest Joke
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, clothes unkempt, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. Needless to say, the priest became uncomfortably at the smell and appearance of his seatmate. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" In his annoyed state, the priest retorted "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well I'll be....." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, realizing the error of his comment, apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
This is a post on sms jokes.
Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said, 'I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.'
Doctor Joke
The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’ The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’ The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’
Mouse Joke
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.
Son Joke
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Two Friends Joke
Me- "What mouse walks on 2 feet?"
Friend- "I don't know"
Me- "Mickey Mouse, what duck walks on 2 feet?"
Friend- "Donald Duck?"
Me- "No, all ducks idiot"
Friend- "Get lost"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
“Honey, listen closely... beauty fades, but dumb is forever!"
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
Ever since I took geometry at school, my life has turned around 360 degrees.
Single cell organisms would beat him in an IQ test.
We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.
Dancing Joke
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied, 'In silence.
What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?
One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?
He liked to chop and change.
Ghetto Joke
I went to Wal-Mart today and asked customer service for ghetto. She was confused so I told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks people with his golf club. She came put later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.
Student Joke
Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Student : "Because George still had the axe in his hand!"
Priest Joke
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, clothes unkempt, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. Needless to say, the priest became uncomfortably at the smell and appearance of his seatmate. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" In his annoyed state, the priest retorted "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well I'll be....." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, realizing the error of his comment, apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
This is a post on sms jokes.