1. Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes.

2. Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

3. Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: You’re dyslexic.

4. Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!

5. Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A: To draw the curtains!

6. Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.

7. Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
A. You go on ahead and I’ll hang around.

8. Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!

9. Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
A: The road!

10. Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils.

11. Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic.

12. Q: What three candies can you find in every school?
A: Nerds, DumDums, and Smarties.

13. Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.

14. Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
A: Nobody nose.

15. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!

16. Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell

17. Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It’s dread-full.

18. Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!

19. Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake?
A: He just flipped.

20. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.

21. Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky.

22. Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

23. Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!

24. Q: What do you call a window that raps?

25. Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
A: “With a bee-bee gun.”

26. Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
A: In the mainstream.

27. Q: What kind of jokes do you make in the shower?
A: Clean Jokes!

28. Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!

29. Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta

30. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator