humor 7175

Funny Short Jokes

Animal Joke
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Doctor Joke
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."

Farmer Joke
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Mother Joke
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother? My name is Paul.

Dog Joke
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

School Joke
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

Priest Joke
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

Patient Joke
Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.” Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?” Doctor: “Every two hours.”

Sleep Joke
Sleep with an open window tonight! 1400 mosquitoes like that. 420 mosquitoes commented on it. 210 mosquitoes shared this. One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitoes will be attending the event.

Alcohol Joke
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” - “Oh is she an alcoholic?” - “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”

Navy Joke
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

Psychiatrist Joke
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!” Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

Exercise Joke
Doctor: “Do you do sports?” Patient: “Does sex count?” Doctor: “Yes.” Patient: “Then no.”

Diet Joke
Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser… What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

Bullfight Joke
In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles. - One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?” - The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”

Prayer Joke
Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery. The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord! The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery! Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

Salesman Joke
“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…” “Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”

Husband Wife Joke
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?” The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”

Married Couple Joke
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

Police man Joke
Police: “Open the door!” - Man: “I don’t want any balls!” - Police: “What? We don’t have any balls!” - Man: “I know.”

Comedy Jokes

Shop Joke
In a boomerang shop: "I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"

Doctor Joke
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. - Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

Patient Joke
Mr. Smith: “Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?” Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?” Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”

Eye Joke
Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem? Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell? Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

Silly Joke
Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye. - Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

Bar Joke
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!” So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?” That’s about as far as I remember.

Exercise Joke
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

Woman Joke
A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.

Driving Joke
A police officer stops a car. Officer: “Your driver’s license please.” Driver: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.” Officer: “At home?” Driver: “No, to do it.”

Women Joke
Why is women’s soccer so rare? - It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

Russian Joke
I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the teabag out of the vodka bottle.

Restaurant Joke
Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager! “ Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”

Girlfriend Joke
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

Sick Joke
I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea. I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

Girl Joke
“You are so kind, funny and beautiful.” “Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.” “And smart, too!”

Politician Joke
Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common? - A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

Parrot Joke
I’m selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the rascal tried to sell me.

Space Joke
Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space? - To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!" - "What is the problem?" - "Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

Husband Wife Joke
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Man Joke
A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

Witty Joke
What goes up and down but never moves? - The stairs!

Funny Videos On YouTube

PRANKS 13

GAGS 13

BEST COMEDIANS 13

OTHER COMEDIANS 13

JOKES 13

Sardar Jokes

Sardar Traits
How Can You Be Sure Someone Is A Sardar?
Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
Tries to drown a fish in water.
Trips over a cordless phone.
Thinks socialism means partying.
Studies for a blood test and fails.
Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
Puts lipstick on his forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
At the bottom of the application form where it says: "Sign Here", he puts 'Scorpio'.
Sells the car for gas money.
Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Accident Joke
Two Sardarjis are looking at an Egyptian mummy.
Sardar 1: Look, so many bandages! Must be a pukka (real) lorry accident case.
Sardar 2: Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!

Bomb Joke
Two Sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
Sardar 2: Don't worry, I have one more.

Car Joke
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but it starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea.
All cars that I know start with petrol.

Statue Joke
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken!!
Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!

Injury Joke
At the scene of an accident a man was crying:
O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry.
See that man. He has lost his head... Is he crying?

Tourist Guide Joke
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: And the smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

Servant Joke
Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining!
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go!

Sadhu Joke
Sadhu : I haven't slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sadhu: I had an upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't you exchange it?
Sadhu: There was nobody in the lower bunk to change it with.

Job Joke
Santa was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to put in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes, please.

Bank Joke
Devindar went into The Bank of India and asked to open a current account. The cashier was surprised when Devindar left the building saying he would return after he had been to Delhi. When asked why he was visiting Delhi, he retorted that the application form said: 'Got to be filled in CAPITAL.'

Girl Joke
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope which was hanging from a from an aeroplane. Ten were Sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, 'I'll get off......' and she made a really moving speech. All of the Sardars started immediately applauding.

Indian Joke
NASA was getting ready to launch a very important space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and double checked everything to make sure that things are fine. However, on the day of the launch, something seemed to be wrong. The rocket made all sorts of noise but never took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were puzzled because they could not figure out the problem. Finally, Manjit, a Sardar offered to help. The NASA scientists were desperate by that time and agreed to do anything. 'Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right,' said Manjit in a serious voice. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway. 'Bring it back to vertical position, the Manjit added. The engineers did. 'Now start the engines,' instructed Manjit. The rocket took off and flew into space. Everybody thanked and congratulated Manjit and asked him how he knew what to do. He replied, 'It is very simple. This is what we always do with our Bajaj scooters in India.'

Medical Joke
Santa: I am a most proud Sardar, My son is in medical college.
Banta: Really, what is he studying?
Santa: No is not studying, they are studying him.

Art Joke
Jasbir visits an art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror.

Phone Joke
Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone in his Phone Book and told them: "My mobile number has changed, earlier it was Nokia 3310, now it is 6710"

Postman Joke
Postman: I have had to walk 5 miles to deliver this packet.
Sardar: Why did you walk so far? You could have posted it.

Shopping Joke
Gatnam went to the sale at electrical shop and he found a bargain. 'I would like to buy this small TV,' he told the salesman. 'Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars,' he replied. So Gatnam hurried home, removed his turban, and changed his hair style and returned to repeat to the salesman, 'I would like to buy this TV.' 'Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars,' the salesman replied for a second time. 'Damn! Gatnam exploded, 'he recognized me.' He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour, different clothes, big sunglasses and he waited a few days until he saw the salesman again. 'I would like to buy this TV.' 'Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars,' the salesman replied. Angry now and frustrated, Gatnam shouted, 'How do you know I'm a Sardar?' 'Because that's a microwave,' he replied.

Exam Joke
Sardar Premdeep Singh is sitting his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pants, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. 'Oye, I am only following the instructions,' Premdeep replies, 'it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief."'

Silly Jokes

Boss Joke
Height Of Bad Luck. Your battery is at 2% and you see your Boss upload pictures of himself and his family. Wanting to impress him, you quickly comment "cool pics" but auto correct changes it to "cool pigs" and your battery runs out!

Father Joke
Little Johnny asks his father: "Where does the wind come from?" - "I don't know." - "Why do dogs bark?" - "I don't know." - "Why is the earth round?" - "I don't know." - "Does it disturb you that I ask so much?" - "No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything."

Friends Joke
Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp. The genie grants each of them one wish. The first guy wishes to be back home. Wish granted. The second guy wishes the same. Wish granted. The third guy says, "It feels very lonely here now, I wish my friends were with me…” Wish granted.

Cinema Joke
They threw me out of the cinema today for bringing my own food. But come on – the prices are way too high, plus I haven’t had a barbecue in months.

Charity Joke
I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity. I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning.

Elephant Joke
Why haven’t you ever seen any elephants hiding up trees? Because they’re really, really good at it.

Office Joke
We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael".

Lie Joke
Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie. The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?” Son: “Yeah.” Detector: “Beep.“ Son: “OK, OK, I was in a cinema.” Detector: “Beep.” Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.” Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“ Detector: “Beep.” Mother laughs: “Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son!” Detector: “Beep.”

Man Joke
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

Parent Joke
"I really don't know which kid I'm supposedly being unfair to, according to my wife, Thomas, Anton, or the fat, ugly one?"

Grandfather Joke
"Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?" "So you can all be really sad when I die."

Wife Joke
A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

Husband And Wife Joke
A detective asks a woman, "So, your husband hanged himself?" Woman replies, "Yes, that is correct." The suspicious detective continues, "But why does he have all those bruises on his head?" "The old fool used an elastic rope!"

Wolf Joke
Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf. "Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?" - "Go away! I'm crapping!"

Cannibal Joke
Why don‘t cannibals eat divorced women?
Because they’re bitter.

Single Joke
Q. What’s the worst thing about being lonely?
A. Playing Frisbee.

Teacher Joke
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
There was no chemistry.

Woman Joke
I’m certain there are female hormones in beer. When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.

Rude Joke
Man: Hi, do you want to dance? - Woman: Yeah, sure! - Man: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your pretty friend!