Santa Banta Jokes
Santa : I have more Fans than You..
Banta: No Big deal, I have AC at Home.
After knee replacement,
Orthopaedic surgeon : u will have to use walker for few days after surgery.
Santa: ok, will Johnny Walker be okay?
Santa had a leakage in the roof over his dining room.
Plumber asked: "Sir when did u notice it??"
Santa: "Last night.... when it took me 3 hours to finish my soup"
Santa: If I start driving my CAR @ sunrise, I won't b able 2 cover even half of my estate by sunset...
Banta: Even I Had such a useless car but i sold it...
Santa ko rota dekhkar Banta ne pucha kya hua?
Santa : Meine 2 ton ka AC kharida,
ghar aakar tola to sir 35 kilo ka nikla!
Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta:/ Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway station drop krne gaya tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya!!!.....
Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once
But many people still go to their in-laws place..????
Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married? That was common sense leaving your body.
Very short joke. Santa was feeling Happy
.
.
.
then Happy slapped him
Santa : U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Santa: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio!
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Santa: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
Santa: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Santa: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Santa and Banta were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Banta: Don't worry, I have one more.
Boss: Where were you born?
Santa: India ..
Boss: which part?
Santa: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
Police: R u married?
Santa: Yes, with a woman.
Police (angrily) : Of course! Did u even hear of anyone marrying a man?
Santa: Yes, my sister did....!!!
Employee: Sir, Banta Singh is standing outside your cabin with a bunch of underwears in a basket!
Boss: Oh shit! I told him to debrief his team and meet me in 15 mins
Santa: I'm going to watch "Mission Impossible" tonite.
Banta: On cable or at theater?
Santa: Not the film, my wife bought slim fit jeans and she is going to try it !!
Shaadi mein santa bahut der se khana kha raha tha...kisi ne pucha, kab tak khaoge ?
Santa - Mai toh khud pareshan hoon .....par card me likha hai,
"Dinner 7-12pm"
Teacher: Tell me the difference between a Callgirl, Girlfriend and Wife.
The whole class became silent till little Santa Singh put up his hand and answered: Prepaid, Postpaid and Unlimited.
Santa and Banta are looking through an e-shopping website.
Santa: "Look at these gorgeous women. The price are reasonable too".
Banta agress: "I'am Ordering one now!"
3 weeks later
Santa "Has your Women turned up yet?"
Banta:"No... but it shouldn't be long now. Her clothes arrived yesterday."
Teacher: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Santa: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Santa: "All are born on government holidays...!!!
Santa: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Banta: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!
Santa: I think that girl is deaf..
Banta: How do u know?
Santa: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Santa: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Santa: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Santa: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
Santa writes: "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Santa: Any great man born in this village???
Santa: no sir, only small Babies!!!
After returning back from a foreign trip, Santa asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Santa: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
Manager asked Santa at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Santa replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Santa: 13th October
Which year?
Santa: Oye ullu ke pathe___ EVERY YEAR
What happens when a Santa's wife delivers twins????
The Santa does not sleep whole night, thinking who is the father of second child...
Santa went to Art Gallery
Santa : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Santa and wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
Wife: Why?
Santa: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.
Why can't Santa dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
What does a Santa do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Santa
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
Oye Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
On romantic date Banta's gf asks:'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
Santa: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Banta jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa!
Banta professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.
Santa standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'
A Santa went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'
Banta sent a letter to the Aviation Minister:
Sir, it's my humble request that the new Airport in Panvel should be named 'Bantacruz' since my brother already has one airport named after him.
'Santacruz'!!!
Santa met with and Accident and went to Hospital
Docotor: You need stiches
Santa: What will be the cost?
Doctor: Rs . 800
Santa: oh hello... I need stiches, Not embroidery work!!!
In Resume of Santa:
Strength: My Wife Manjeet
Weakness: Banta's wife Manpreet
Opportunity: When Banta is on Tour
Fear: When I am on Tour
Jagjit Singh singing - Yeh daulat b lelo, yeh shohrat bhi lelo.....
Suddenly Santa stands up and says- Main toh bahut pareshan hun, meri toh aurat b lelo....
Santa And Banta are probably the most famous set of friends in India. Santa Banta Jokes are heard and relished by any and everyone in India. T
These are lovable guys who dont care too much about their grey cells and can make you laugh at the silliest of topics.
Santa Banta jokes have regaled Indians for decades and given a lot of joy. We hope the latest Santa Banta jokes that we have listed here bring a smile on your face and ease up any tension that you may be going through right now.
Three cheers for Santa and Banta! May they live .long and keep us smiling!
In a party, Santa asked a girl sitting Alone,
"Aap dance karoge"..??
Ladki khadi ho gayi aur boli"Haan Jarur"..
Santa: "Toh me ye chair le lu"?
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
Santa: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Santa: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio!'
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Santa: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
Santa joined new job. 1st day she worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
Santa: What is the name of your car?
Pooja: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Santa: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Santa and Pooja were fixing a bomb in a car.
Pooja: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Santa: Dont worry, I have one more.
Media: Where were you born?
Santa: India ..
Media: which part?
Santa: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India
Santa Dukhi Tha
Kisi Ne Pucha
Kyu Tension Me Ho..
Santa:Yaar,Ek Dost Ko
Plastic Surgery
K Liye 2 Lakh Diye
Ab Saale Ko
Pehchaan Nahi Pa raha hu.
Santa Makes call to Airport.... how long is the journey from punjab to America?
Receptionist: 1 second sir....
.
.
.
Santa disconnects and says.... peeke bethi hai chudail.... :-
Santa to Banta :- Agr tu bata de ki meri Tokri me kya h. toh tokri k aadhe Ande tere..
Aur ye bhi batade ki Ande Kitne h... . to 10 k 10 tere....
Aur agar ye Bhi bata de ki Ande Kiske h... . to Murgi bhi teri.... .
Banta :- Abey koi HINT TO De
Bank manager asks Santa in an interview: "What is cyclone"
Santa: "It is the loan given to purchase a cycle"
Interviewer: What is a skeleton?
Santa: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting,
but forgot to stop it!!
MD: I give you driver job. Starting salary is 2000 Rs.
Santa: Oh, thank you. What is the driving salary and stopping salary?
Santa to a doctor: Mera beta motorcycle se gir gaya
Doctor: I can't understand Hindi. Can you tell in English
Santa: My londa gironda from Hero Honda !!!!
Santa was drawing money from ATM.
A person, who was just behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****).
Santa replies, "Ha! Ha! Ha! You are wrong. Its 1258."
Salesman: Sir, do you want this powder ?
Santa: For what ?
Salesman: For ants
Santa: No. If I give powder today, they will ask lipstick tomorrow!!!
Santa: Oye.. Mera mobile bill kitna hai ?
Call Centre Girl: Sir, just dial 123 to get your current bill status.
Santa: Abbey STUPID, current ka nahi mobile ka bill chaahiye !
After returning home from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife: "Do I look like a foreigner ?"
Wife: "No.. Why ?"
Santa: "In London, a lady asked me whether I am a foreigner !!"
Napoleon: There are no words called IMPOSSIBLE and FEAR in my dictionary.
Santa: What should I do ? You should have checked it before buying !!!
How do you identify a Santa in a classroom ?
It is simple.. check who's erasing his notes when the teacher is cleaning the board. !!!!
Santa was writing past tence of "I make a mistake"
Guess what he wrote ?
"I was made by a mistake"
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated. He drank the poison and said: "Ab kaato saalo... Sab maroge"
Jagjit Singh singing- Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shaurat bhi lelo..
Suddenly Santa stands up & says-Main toh bahut pareshan hoon, meri toh aurat bhi lelo..
Sata Bank me paise jama karane gaya.
Cashier - Tumhare Note nakli hai.
Santa - Tujhe kya farak padata hai? Jama to Mere Account me ho rahe hai na..!!
Santa Dukhi Tha
Kisi Ne Pucha Kyu Tension Me Ho..
Santa: Yaar, ek Dost Ko Plastic Surgery K Liye 2 Lakh Diye. Ab Saale Ko Pehchaan Nahi Pa raha hu !
100 metre ki race ho rahi thi...
Referee said '1,2,3 GO!'...
Everybody started running except Santa.
Referee - y r u not running...?
Santa - My number is 4
Santa to Banta : Agr tu bata de ki meri Tokri me kya h, toh tokri k aadhe Ande tere..
Aur ye bhi batade ki Ande Kitne h... to 10 k 10 tere....
Aur agar ye Bhi bata de ki Ande Kiske h... . to Murgi bhi teri.... .
Banta :- Abey koi HINT TO De!
Santa: meri biwi jawaan hai.
Banta: toh border pe bhej de
Santa: Scientists have found ice and water On moon! We just need to carry whisky and chips with us. Banta: Why?
Santa: Can't depend on Scientists for everything !!!!
Santa & Wife Travelling in Bus -
? Wife- Dekho ji ye pichhe wala mere Bluoz me hath dal raha hai.
Santa- Dalne de paise to meri jeb me hai.
Wife: How much do you love me?
Santa: l love you so much, l can't measure.
Wife: No...just tell me.
Santa: Okay, l am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, l am nothing without u.
Wife: Wow! That's so romantic....
Santa:(saying to himself): Thank God! She doesn't know l'm like a China phone, with FOUR sim cards.........
Santa K Dono Kaan Jal Gaye
Doctor : Tumharey Kaan Kese jaly ?
Santa : Main Qameez Istari Kar Raha tha ke Phone Aa Gaya.
Main ne Jaldi main Phone ki Jagah Istari Kaan ko Laga Li..!
Doctor : To Doosra Kaan Kese Jala ?
. .
Santa : Ab Ambulance ko Bhi Phone Karna Tha Na..
Santa: Tum bike itni tez q chla rhe ho?
Banta: Ye letter urgent dena hai
Santa: Kaha?
Banta: Address padhne ka time nai hai.
Santa: Ok go fast.!
Santa Ne Ek Din Badi Udasi Se Apne Dost Banta Ko Bola.
Santa: "Yaar Meri Biwi Gussa Bahut Karti Hai"
Banta: "Meri Bhi Pahle Karti Thi Ab Nahi Karti"
Santa: "Achha, Aisa Tum Ne Kya Elaaj Kiya?"
Banta Muskurate Hue: "Kuch Khas Nahi, Wo Ek Din Gusse Mein Thi, Maine Kah Diya Ke Budhape Mein Gussa Aa Hi Jata Hai, Us Din Se Wo Gussa Nahi Karti"
Teacher- jo mere sawal ka sahi jawab dega wo ghar ja sakta hai.
Ussi waqt santa ne apna bag bahar fek diya.
Teacher- wo bag kisne feka?
Santa- maine..ab main ghar jau???
Sir: Define Energy ?
Santa: Sir pura nai aata hain, thoda last ka pata hain, bas.
Sir: Thik hain, jitna aata hain utna bolo.
Santa: ".....and this is called Energy"
Santa flight me pilot ka headphone cheen raha tha....
Pilot:-Ye kya kar rahe ho..?.
Santa:- Accha ji Ticket hum le aur Gaane tum suno...!!
Santa: Interview kaisa hua?
Banta: Thik hua yaar, par aakhir mein woh angrezi me kuchh bola... "Show me your testimonials."
Santa: Toh Phir?
Banta: Mujhe lagta hai ki main galat cheez dikha ke aaya hoon...
Banta noticed that Santa was looking depressed, and asked what was wrong.
"Well," said Santa, "I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."
"What kind of question?" asked Banta.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly."
"That's easy," said Banta. "You just say 'Of course I will'."
"Yeah," said Santa, "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO...'"
Doctor: Roz 5 km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50 kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 saal baad santa phone pe: Wajan to kam ho gaya, magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825 km door aa gaya hun.
Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye
Santa: Chal Suicide kar lein.
Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai ??
Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega.
Santa: Shirt ke liye ek acha kapda dikhaiye.
Salesman: Plain main dikhaun?
Santa: Nahin helicopter main dikha!
saale bandar ki aulad.. Yahin pey dikha!!
Doctor: Do exercise daily for good health.
Santa: Sir I play football, cricket, daily.
Doctor: How long do you play?
Santa: Until the battery in my mobile goes down!!
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta: Why are you writing so slowly?
Santa: I am writing to my 5 years old kid Jhurlu, he can't read very fast.
Santa has to sell his dog. Banta wants to buy it. Banta: Is this dog faithful ? Santa: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me.
Santa: What is the difference between "complete and finish"?
Banta: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished !!!!!
Santa Singh's lover asked: Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?
"Sure", replied Santa, "What's your phone number?"
Teacher : santa, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Santa : You told me to do it without using tables.
Once Santa was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told "WAIT SIR" for which santa replied "65Kgs"
Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath to cure my cold."
Banta Singh: "Does it work?"
Santa Singh: "I don't know.. I can never finish drinking the hot bath."
Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."
"Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".
Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
"Darling" said Santa to his new bride. "Now that we are married ,do you think you can live on my small income?". "Ofcourse dearest", she replied. "But what will you live on?"
Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa's watch is always ten minutes slow.
Santa checked his girlfriend's mobile to know under what name she had saved his number. When he dialed his number form her phone, it showed "TIMEPASS NO. 8"
Santa is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room doesn't flush so he runs to the lobby to use the men's room but none of the stalls are free. He runs back to his room ,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then he puts the plant back and leaves. A week later he gets a postcard from the hotel that says" Dear Sir...all is forgiven...just tell us....where is it?"
Once Santa brought his girlfriend home for dinner. This was her first time meeting the family so she was tremendously nervous. This along with the broccoli she ate gave her a little gas so she let out a small noiseless fart but it turned out to be loud enough for the family to hear. Right then Santa's father shouted at the dog sitting next to her chair, "Ginger!". She was relieved. Next time she let out a louder one and again Santa's father shouted at the dog, "Ginger!" he said. Finally she let a really loud one out that sounded like a train whistle and the father said "Ginger!!!!! Move from there before she shits on you!!!"
Santa walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he sips the beer he hears a soothing voice say "nice tie". He looks around and is baffled to see that there is no one there except him and the bartender at the other end of the room. A few sips later the voice says "beautiful shirt".Santa panics and calls the bartender over and says "I must be losing my mind, I can hear these voices say nice things but there is no one else except you and me" , the bartender points to the table and says "oh it's the peanuts , they are complimentary
Inappropriate things that Santa tells his kid
-Beta why is a cemetery so popular?
Everyone is DYING to get in.
-Beta do you need a hand with that?
Haan papaji
Santa starts clapping.
-After watching his son slip on the slide, Santa says, "Happy journey Beta!!!!"
-Santa's son asks for 100 bucks.
Santa says " 50 bucks? What do you need 20 bucks for?"
Santa is the true music lover.
A girl is singing in a bathroom while taking a bath and Santa is near the keyhole listening to her.
Santa being romantic to his wife.
"One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, "I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted""
Santa's wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa's Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa's wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what happened?
Santa's wife: your horse is on the phone.
Santa tells his dad, "Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay"
Santa's Dad:" Oye beta then punch him!!!"
Santa: " No papa he is sooooooo cute!!!"
Do you drink? Girl's father asked Santa. Santa says " first tell me whether it's a question or invitation?"
Santa taking grammar lessons
"If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice!!!!"
Officer Santa: Madam swimming is restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn't you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.
Santa: oye waiter ek mast chai pilao jo pura badan hila de.
Waiter: hamare yahan gaai ka doodh aata hai , Rakhi Sawant ka nahin.
Santa's wife: Oye JI stop looking at other women you are married now.
Santa: Arre you mean if I am on diet I cant look at the menu also?
Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!
Teacher: Which animal flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he knows the answer)
Santa: AIRHOSTESS!!!!
Santa: That girl is deaf
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her chapels are new
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
Santa bought a car on loan.. He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "..In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards!
Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."
Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao."
Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?"
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in m! edical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Banta ek ! sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
Santa:Q: Why dogs don't marry? BantaA: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!
Santa calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says Santa and hangs up.
Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
Santa: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When Banta asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
How do you recognize a Santa in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks, for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
How did Panditji Kill a Lion?
Panditji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me.
Hari Om!
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!
Santa: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Got upper berth.
Banta: Y did'nt u try to Xchnge?
Santa: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..
Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
Santa tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b there.............
Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there
Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".
Santa and his family went for a party. He introduces himself -
I'm sardar, she sardarnee, the boy my kid & the girl my kidney....
Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
On a romantic date Santa's girl friend asks him "Darling on our engagement, will you give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?
A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.
The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....
What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
He compares it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Santa proposed to a girl......
Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year.
A Santa went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After Seeing he went to Delhi. Guess why?
The FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
A Teacher was lecturing on Population Explosion - "In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid."
Santa stood up and said - "we must find & stop her!".
Santa - "why are all these people running?" Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup." Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"
19 Santas went to watch a film.
On being questioned about the big group, they replied that the film was only for above 18...
Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
Santa recently found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "You will go to jail".
Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out, climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floor
At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!
At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.
Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes.
Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"
When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?"
Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..